This is one of those devotions that I am going to regret writing in the morning. It is Tuesday night, and I must write what I feel. I don't even know if Jesus is guiding this devotion or not. Maybe Satan is. I try so hard to be positive, put total faith in the Lord, and just believe that things will work out. Well they are NOT working out! My heart longs for something, and I can not find any rest until I get it. Maybe it is selfish of me, but I can not help it! I must write from my heart. I do believe in God, and I do believe that His will is the best thing in my life. But I am having one heck of a time accepting it. Forgive me, for I know this is a sin. But sometimes the preacher needs help. Sometimes the counselor needs counseling. Sometimes the devotion writer needs understanding.
This is the lowest point in my life!!! If this is depressing you, please delete it right now. But I have nobody I can really share my feelings with...at least nobody that I am comfortable with sharing all my feelings. I know you are thinking I am just going through a rough time like everybody else. Well maybe so, but I am having a hard time dealing with it. Life is just not fair. Why can't God fix the problem? I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have believed that God will intervene, but it is just not happening. I know we are supposed to be happy...we are supposed to allow God to shine through our lives. Well I am trying so very hard. Tonight is a major setback! How can I continue writing devotions when I am questioning everything that is going on? I can't sleep; I can't eat; I can't even thing straight. I am an educated adult and should not be acting like a child. But I just can't help it right now. God please help me! You are all I can count on, and as much as I hate to think negatively, I just can not help it right now. Where is my miracle? I have only asked for one.
Proverbs 30:2 says, "Surely I am more stupid than any man, and do not have the understanding of a man."
Father, please forgive me. I am only human. You promise to not put more on us than we can handle. Is that true? I need you to help me so much right now. You know what I want and need. Are you listening to me tonight? In Jesus name, Amen.
I personally think that god answers all prayers.... It may not be the answer we want to hear but they are all answered. When he gives us what we want then its very obvious that he thinks its what we "Need". When he doesn't give us what we want its obviously what we "didnt" need. And the great thing about that is eventually we see that what he didnt give us is exactly what he should have done. And wisdom comes through understanding why what we wanted.... is not what he gave us. And the the sum of that is the "Purpose in our life". Never hold back what you are feeling.....
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