Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Jesus' Facebook Profile

Name: Jesus Christ

Address: 777 Pearly Gates, Heaven

Occupation: Savior

Age: Hard To Explain

Nickname: Lord

Fav. Food: Fish

Fav. Drink: Wine

Fav. Song: What A Friend We Have In Jesus

Hobbies: Saving people, performing miracles, making My children happy

Greatest Accomplishment: Rising from the grave

Future Plans: Bringing My children back to Heaven with me

Bio: Hi, I am Jesus Christ. I was born in a small Middle-Eastern town called Bethlehem. Mary and Joseph are my parents and I have four half-brothers: James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas. My dad was a carpenter, so I grew up learning his trade. But I always knew I had a much bigger calling from God. Instead of building "things", I always wanted to build "lives". I guess I was a typical teenager of the time in that I obeyed my parents most of the time, but I did sometimes get into a little bit of trouble. Once day when my parents left Jerusalem to head back home to Bethlehem, I stayed behind to teach in the synagogues. I mistakenly forgot to tell my parents and when they came back to find me, they were pretty sore. But they soon forgave me, so I was thankful for that. As I grew older, I began my earthly mission as Messiah. It was one of the hardest tasks I ever tried to do. There were so many skeptics who would not believe I was the Son of God. So I had to show-off just a little, not in order to be boastful, but in order to convince the others that I was truly the Son of God. I was successful in bringing in many people by performing miracles. Over the next year or two, I had several faithful followers. I called my inner circle of followers apostles. The religious system of the time was corrupt, and my new disciples and I finally were caught one night and put on trial. A number of items were submitted against me. I was framed on some charges, but completely guilty on one item : Because I was the real, living Son of God, most people wanted me dead because Blasphemy is punishable by death.
I faced 6 different courts before finally returning to Pilate for a final verdict. He sentenced me to death by Crucifixion. I must tell you that was the most pain I ever felt in my whole life. Not the rusty nails, jagged whips, and the sharp thorn-crown, but the pain I felt for all those who were not saved, and how they would be persecuted later. When they raised me up on that Cross, I wish I could put into words how it felt. Most people thought I felt shame and embarrassment. But on the contrary, I felt pretty awesome. I knew that the only job God made me for was about to end. And when that happened, many would choose to flock to me and be saved. I died on that Cross in the afternoon, and I was placed in a tomb. But just 3 short days later, I rose from the grave! And I have been here with you since, waiting to make you a Follower. If you follow me, I can't promise you a pain-free life, but I can promise you that I will never leave you and that I will always be right there walking by your side and helping you through the trial. God sent me out to catch many souls. I still have a few more to catch, but I never know when God will say "times up". When He finally utters those words, I sure hope you have decided to follow me. Why don't you go ahead and make me your Savior right now, just to be on the safe side? All you have to do is confess your sins and ask me to forgive those sins and to become your personal savior. It's that easy! If you want to know more about me, or if you have decided to follow me, simply shoot me a text-message (Prayer), and I will respond right away.

If you are a Christian or just becoming one, please let me know. Text "I am Saved" to 334-618-1077. Your cell number will not be used for any purpose other than this devotion. I am just curious how many Christians will respond. Here's hoping it is many.


  1. Not so sure the hobby "making my children happy" is the best representation. Comes across as a bit fairy godmother. Were people happy when he waited days before going to Lazarus? What about Peter, when Jesus announced he would have to die? Not happy.
    Perhaps "following the will of the one who sent me" has more weight to it.

  2. This is quite a creative post, almost like a story book tale. Very nice.

  3. Beautiful!!! I like this a lot! God bless you!!