Again, I have been reminded of just how selfish I can be. The past few days have been just awful! It started Monday at school. As you know, I am having a time with kidney stones. While I was in the ER, crying like a little baby from my pain, a little baby was brought it. I could hear that child crying from several rooms over. I learned that he was less than a year old, and somehow, had gotten his tiny fingers slammed in a car door. It completely cut 3 of his fingers off! Right after I learned what had happened to him, I continued to cry myself, although I am not sure if it was from my stones, my broken heart over that baby's tragedy, or if it was from the guilty feeling I felt. You see, I felt guilt because here I was, a grown man, and crying as much as a child with a real problem. All of a sudden, my stones didn't hurt quite as much.
Then I learned of the carnage left in Samson and Geneva. How could I be laying in an ER room crying over a few stones when some people were facing the most unthinkable tragedy? I have prayed for all the families who have been stung by what happened. I, just like you, wish I could do more for them. The Bible warns us just how evil mans' heart can be. As a Christian, I want to demand God give us a reason why He stood by and let this happen. How could He allow innocent people die at the hands of some mad man? We may never know the reason for it. But I do believe God is still in charge and as much as we hurt for those victims, I'm sure He hurts even more. After all, He also created the shooter too, and it breaks God's heart to see how Satan took over that man, and caused him to kill so many sweet, innocent people. After hearing of this kind of tragedy so close to home, what are our problems today? Do we really have any? Thanks for all your prayers for my stones, but I am ok now. Please direct all your prayers to those people who have witnessed the unthinkable. You know, what I keep playing over and over in my mind is the quote from the deputy who lost his wife and toddler to the shooter. He said, "It just seems like I should be coming home to my wife and having my little girl crawl all over me". My heart is so broken. God, be with them.
Isaiah 40:31 says, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Father, how do we go on after such a tragedy? Forgive us for we are only human. Please forgive us for feeling anger toward You. The Bible tells us You can do all things and that You protect those who trust in You. But then something like this happens and we feel so hurt and confused. Please don't leave us now, for it is now we need You most. In Jesus name, Amen.