Monday, April 20, 2009

Last devotion

This is my last devotion...I feel like I am living a double life. As you know, I lost Jackie, my only true love. I keep writing these devotions trying to sound as upbeat as I can. But deep inside, I am crushed. My spirit is shot! I am no longer even happy teaching...I hate to go to work and I just can't keep going on. I love Jesus but obviously there are things that I just don't understand, nor can I accept. Don't I have the right to be happy? Well I'm not. I'm miserable. My faith is on its last leg. I don't want God to give me anything else..It hurts too much to lose it if He so chooses to take it away. I know it's selfish but if I can't have my Jackie back, I won't ever be happy again...I'm sorry.


  1. I can't imagine how painful it must be, and I'll be praying that you'll be able to have peace with whatever happens. But don't give up on your faith! Be honest with God about how you're feeling -He can take it. :) And He wants you to come to Him. Thank you for the devotions, and I completely understand not being in a place to keep up with them right now. Hopefully someday you'll be able to.

  2. Hello Allen,

    I'm so sorry for your loss...I cannot imagine. Keep praying, brother, pour it all out onto His shoulders. They are the strongest in the universe and He WILL Comfort you. I pray He makes His comfort unto you sweet and soon.

  3. Allen, I just discovered your blog today, after you left several comments on mine, and I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed what I've read so far. When I read this post, I felt so sad for you. Of course, I can't completely understand what you're going through, but I do know that I am very deeply in love with my husband, and I know the terrible pain I would feel if he were gone. I'm praying for you to have peace and healing.