Monday, April 20, 2009
This is my last devotion...I feel like I am living a double life. As you know, I lost Jackie, my only true love. I keep writing these devotions trying to sound as upbeat as I can. But deep inside, I am crushed. My spirit is shot! I am no longer even happy teaching...I hate to go to work and I just can't keep going on. I love Jesus but obviously there are things that I just don't understand, nor can I accept. Don't I have the right to be happy? Well I'm not. I'm miserable. My faith is on its last leg. I don't want God to give me anything else..It hurts too much to lose it if He so chooses to take it away. I know it's selfish but if I can't have my Jackie back, I won't ever be happy again...I'm sorry.